Living the Dream
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.
Romans 8: 28
I had forgotten how beautiful the weather is in Tanzania this time of year. While my friends here remind me of the inevitable downsides of the dry season (dust- lots of dust, and crops in great need of water), I can’t help but enjoy as the leaves change color and fall, and the cool wind rushes through every open window. Finally, I am back.
I dreamt of the day that I would return to Bukoba more nights than not while I was home in Texas with my family. I dreamt of the layover in Europe, of arriving at the airport in Bukoba, of checking my many, overweight bags, of being reunited with Joseph and with my students and friends. When I finally arrived and awoke that first morning back in my room here in Bukoba, I actually wondered if I may still be dreaming. But as the smells and sounds of this place I now call home flooded my senses, I knew it was most definitely not a dream.
Returning home and going into lockdown, I, like I assume most of you, had no idea what we were in for. I naïvely thought that I would be in Texas for a month, maybe two, and then things would improve and I would be able to return. I remember the pit I felt in my stomach when I was told I would probably not be able to return until late summer or early fall. My early April self could hardly comprehend that. But the days ticked away, and the case numbers rose and fell and rose again, and I found myself settling into what had become my new normal, back home with my family. The only way I could mentally and emotionally handle the not knowing, was to operate under the assumption that I was not returning any time soon. It wasn’t until I made that mental shift that I was able to really live with purpose and enjoy my time at home.
I spent much of the first half of my time at home working on projects and home and at church. I joined the small group of church leaders who gathered every Sunday morning to lead online worship services. I got to know these faithful leaders of my mom’s congregation, people she had spoken so highly of and with such appreciation, and I saw for myself what a blessing they are, both to her, and to their congregation. As we gathered each week, singing and praying, worshipping together in an empty sanctuary, looking into a camera and speaking into mics, we became kind of a COVID family. I think I speak for all of us when I say, we cherished that interaction every week. The chance to safely get out of our homes and see people other than our immediate family. We shared in each other’s frustrations and fears about the uncertainty of our situation, we mourned the loss of each other’s loved ones who passed during such a difficult time, and we celebrated each other’s joys, be it a birthday or a graduation. The relationships that were formed during this time will always be something I look back on with gratitude.
A little over a month into my time at home, Kevin Jacobson, of the Mission Formation team at the national church office in Chicago reached out to me and asked if I wanted any work to keep me busy during my time away from my place of service. Kevin had hired me for the position in Bukoba in June of 2019 and I got to know him more during my new missionary training in Chicago back in February. Kevin and his Mission Formation team is responsible for creating and hosting mission related events, both within the Global Mission office at the ELCA, and also at synod assemblies all over the country, to inform and educate about the amazing mission work being done within the ELCA. Kevin told me that they were needing some assistance with Zoom and asked if I would be interested in doing some research into the program and doing the behind the scenes tech work for some virtual events so that they could focus on programming. Knowing that I truly had nothing but time, I agreed and started looking into Zoom. What I originally thought would be a one or two event commitment, turned into over two months of eye opening and fulfilling work with Mission Formation. I watched and listened as the team brainstormed future events, reflected over completed meetings, and consistently and intentionally prioritized the goals of ELCA’s Global Mission in everything that they did. I learned so much about the ELCA, about Global Mission, and about how my role as a teacher in Tanzania relates to the bigger picture. I met mission personnel from all over the world and, again, made relationships that I will always cherish. While I was working with Mission Formation, I was doing something unlike anything I had done before, and while my passion is (and probably always will be) teaching, I genuinely enjoyed and felt fulfilled by my work.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention how much I truly enjoyed being "quarantined" with my family. My mom, dad, sister, grandma and I ate dinner around the table together nearly every night. We played games, we watched movies, we spent time just talking with each other and reminiscing. We celebrated my birthday and my sister Lauren's graduation from high school, and we spent intentional time relaxing together. This time that we had together as a family was unlike anything we have ever had before. And having that time right before my Lauren leaves for college and I marry Joseph, it was such an unexpected blessing that I know will forever impact our relationship as a family.
I was in quite a groove when I received an email in early July from Pastor Perucy Butiku, who, alongside Kevin, hired me for this position, asking me if I was ready to return to Tanzania at the end of the month. Pastor Perucy said that KEMPS had reopened and the General Secretary in Bukoba was requesting my return. If I’m being honest, that email evoked a lot of emotions. First, it just seemed impossible. As I said, I had pushed the idea of returning any time soon waaaay out of my mind, and with the virus still completely out of control in the States, it seemed as if there was no way I could leave in just a matter of weeks. I also felt, well, sad. By “going all in” on my Texas life again, I had started to build relationships and become comfortable in ways that I hadn’t let myself do in past visits home. I had my routine, I was enjoying the work that I was doing, I had plans made into August, and now all of that was going to change. I reminded myself of my work and my life in Bukoba, of the purpose that God had placed on me there, and I responded to Pastor Perucy that of course, I was ready to return whenever it was safely possible. I didn’t let myself fully feel the joy and excitement of returning until I received the email with my plane ticket. Tears of disbelief filled my eyes and I immediately called Joseph to tell him the good news. My mindset shifted back into “return” mode, and I began packing and gathering supplies.
While the Tanzanian president announced back in June that the virus was no longer present in the country, people are still taking precautions to prevent the spread of COVID-19. No, not everyone is wearing masks, in fact very few people are, but hand washing stations are everywhere. All non-boarding students and teachers at my school receive temperature checks upon arrival in the morning. Signs illustrating ways to properly protect yourself from the virus are posted all over campus, and in our small town people are better about keeping their distance. I have been here for twelve days now and thankfully I have no symptoms and am feeling great. I have realized how easy and dangerous it is to pretend the virus does not exist when the number of cases and deaths are not being reported daily, and when those in your immediate vicinity are healthy. I continue to take precautions, staying mostly on campus and keeping my distance whenever possible, knowing that the risk is still very much present. I ask for your prayers for continued good health and for the protection of my town and school.
The question I have been asked the most since returning home in March has been- what about the wedding? When I returned home, we postponed our June wedding to November, again naively assuming that the pandemic would be long gone by then. In April I worked with an immigration attorney to file a petition, the first step in the fiancé visa process, for Joseph, and we have yet to hear anything back. If the petition is approved, we can then apply for a fiancé visa and make our travel arrangements. Until we hear on the petition, we are at a standstill. While I continue to hope and pray that Joseph and I can be married in Texas in November, I realistically know that it may not happen, and we may need to postpone yet again. I take comfort in knowing that, while not every engaged couple who planned to get married this year may not be facing the immigration issues that we are, they are all facing the struggle and disappointment that is planning a wedding during COVID-19. So while we don’t know how or when or where the wedding will happen, we know that eventually, it will. We've worked out all of the details that we can, so God is going to have to handle the rest. In the meantime, I’m back - teaching and loving and laughing and learning in the place and with the people that God has called me to – and that feels good.
Through all the darkness and despair that COVID-19 has brought upon our world, it has also given us much to be thankful for. I pray that you have found purpose in this time, even if it’s just in little snippets here and there. I pray that through time physically distanced from others, you have found new ways to be in relationship with one another. And as days pass and we continue to feel out of control, uncertain of what tomorrow may bring, I pray that we can find peace in knowing not what tomorrow holds, but who holds it.
Mungu akubariki,
Allee
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Morning temperature checks
Reunited!
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