A New Beginning

Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Psalm 30: 4-5

For as long as I can remember, I have loved change.  Of course the hardships that change can bring affect me to some degree, but I am always able to outweigh the negatives with the excitement of new beginnings and fresh starts.  I choose to focus my energy and attention on all that lies ahead so that I can push past all that might keep my heart and mind stuck on what is being left behind- things that might make me sad or make it harder to change or maybe even doubt if I should make a change at all.  This strategy of approaching change has its strengths as well as its flaws.  I believe it is what has gotten me through the many major changes in my life – moving from Michigan to Texas, surviving cancer, traveling to Africa for the first time, moving to Tanzania.  The downside however is that the sadness over the loss of what was eventually does come, and it is usually when I am most overwhelmed and alone. 
The past two months have been filled with joyous changes.  Joseph, my boyfriend of over a year, proposed in December, and I, without hesitation, said yes.  I travelled home to Texas for almost two months where I celebrated Christmas with my family and friends and did all things wedding planning.  I attended training in Chicago for my new missionary teaching position with the ELCA where I was filled to the brim with information, but also love and support from those working in mission with the ELCA.  And on February 10th I travelled back to Tanzania to begin my new call. 
My new school, Kibeta English Medium Primary School (KEMPS) in Bukoba Tanzania, has a twenty-year partnership with the Metro New York ELCA synod. This synod helped get the school started back in 1999 and has provided finances for projects as well as student scholarships.  The other way in which they assist is by sending American English teachers to teach at KEMPS every two years.  To celebrate twenty years of partnership, the Metro New York Synod sent a group to Tanzania, which included the bishop, assistant to the bishop, pastors and leaders, the first English teachers ever to come to KEMPS back in 2001, and myself, the newest English teacher to continue this partnership for the next two years.
While traveling and arriving at KEMPS with the team was wonderful, it was also overwhelming.  The agenda for the days following our arrival in Bukoba was packed with tourist activities, sightseeing, and special events.  Part of me wanted to stay back in my new home and get things settled, but the other part of me wanted to be with the people I had come to know and explore this new place with them.  A big part of me also just wanted to spend time with Joseph, who had already made the two day move to Bukoba with all of our belongings and animals and whom I had not seen in almost two months.  Those first couple days were such a blur.  Being greeted by such happy faces and hearing dozens of new names that I knew I needed to remember, but wouldn’t.  Riding in cramped backseats across one of the most beautiful landscapes I’ve ever seen, but not being able to fully process what I was experiencing.  Arriving home in the evenings to numbly unpack part of a suitcase so I would have clothes to wear the next day before falling into bed exhausted. 
When the team departed from Bukoba to continue their sightseeing in other parts of Tanzania, the inevitable sadness finally hit.  In my room, surrounded by half empty suitcases containing all that I brought with me to help make this new place a home, I crumpled into a ball of tears on Joseph’s shoulder, unable to suppress the emotions any longer.  The sadness of being so far from my family and also so far from the place and people that I had called home since June of 2018.  The fear of being in a completely new place, not really knowing anyone or knowing where anything is.  The overwhelming idea of starting over in this new place, wanting to meet the expectations of those around me, but also be my own person, keeping in mind all that I have learned from my previous experiences.  Joseph cried too as he told me how he missed our old life, knowing that until the wedding we would have to limit our time together, being extra conscientious of how the community perceives our relationship, and him, a Tanzanian man engaged to an American woman.  I felt the weight of those tears as it was because of me that we were in this situation, starting over in this place. It all just felt like too much to bear. 
Once the tears dried and my breathing steadied, I felt at peace.  I felt at peace knowing that God sent us to this place and that through Him and only Him, we will get through this.  The realization of sadness and fear, although difficult and messy, was necessary for me to fully be here in this new place and do the work that God has called me to do.  It allowed me to see this wonderful school with open eyes and an open heart and to reclaim my excitement of this new beginning in Bukoba.  I can’t wait to see what God has in store for my two years at KEMPS and I am so thankful that you have chosen to follow along with me on this journey.

Mungu akubariki,
(God bless you)

Allee
On the road to KEMPS, overlooking Lake Victoria

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