Just Live Your Life

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
Ezekiel 36:26

Today is October 1st which means Fall is now in full swing in America.  My Facebook and Instagram feeds are full of pumpkin spiced latte and fall decor pictures, posts boasting about "cooler" temperatures and I've seen at least three people share this year's list of new Hallmark Christmas movies.  Meanwhile in Tanzania life continues as usual.  It's still hot and the closest thing we have to a pumpkin spiced latte is...well...nothing.  We have nothing close to a pumpkin spiced latte.  I would be lying if I said I didn't miss Fall and the anticipation of the holiday season that comes along with it, but it seems silly to complain about missing out when every day I am living a life that I spent close to a year praying for.  
Today being October 1st also means that I have been serving as a missionary for three months now.  It seems crazy to me that one quarter of this year has already passed.  But looking back on all that has happened and how much I have changed since July 1st, it's amazing that it has only been three months.  I remember the feeling I had when everyone from the mission team left Morogoro and I was alone in my house for the first time.  The feeling I had when I was talking with friends for the first time without a translator and I couldn't understand anything they were saying to me.  The feeling when I got malaria for the first time and all I wanted was to hug my mom.  Those feelings shaped how I decided to live my life in Tanzania.  I didn't want my house to be quiet and lonely.  I didn't want to be a bystander in conversations.  And I didn't want to ignore the signs when I knew something was wrong with my health.  
At the beginning of September, Pastor Umba, his wife Ngoy, and Junior all left for Congo to celebrate the wedding of Umba and Ngoy's son Danny.  They would be gone for a month and during that time, Frank would also be traveling for two weeks.  I knew that all of them being gone would be a challenge for me.  They are my safety net.  Whenever I face a problem, they are my go to people.  I know that I can always communicate with and trust them.  So when they left I felt a bit at a loss for what to do.  We were on break from school so I spent a lot of time at home sleeping in, watching TV, somewhat reverting to what I would do if I were in the US on a break and honestly, I hated it.  I was so used to going to school, going to church, Frank or Junior calling me up and saying we were going to town or needed to work on something.  I suddenly had independence that I didn't know what to do with.  I had similar feelings during those first few days as I did when the team left in July and I knew that this time on my own would also shape how I lived my life. 
I remember Frank saying to me early on, "Allee, once things calm down and school starts, just live your life.  Be careful and be safe, but just live your life the way you want to."  I thought I understood what he meant at the time, but I now know I didn't.  It took my safety net leaving and me gaining some independence for me to really decide how I wanted to live my life.  I started reaching out to friends from school or church and inviting them my house.  I walked to nearby shops by myself and talked with people who I met along the way.  I spent time having conversations with the women in my neighborhood and their children.  Anitha and I made trips to town for food or just for fun.  And we took our over night trip to Bagamoyo.  My house is now a home where my friends know they can come at any time to watch TV, eat cookies, and have a soda.  While I am far from fluent in Swahili, I can have most conversations without the need for translation.  And I have built trusting relationships with many people who I now consider to be a part of my safety net.  
As of this morning, Frank, Junior, Umba and Ngoy are all back home in Morogoro.  The pieces that were missing from our small community are now back in place and things feel complete again.  While I missed them incredibly, I thank God for our time apart.  I thank God that they were able to spend quality time back in their home country celebrating the blessing of marriage, and I thank God that my eyes were opened to a fuller life than the one I was living before.  I've always believed that if there is something in your life making you unhappy that you can change, you should change it.  Life is too short to feel stuck and unhappy in your own life and with a willing heart it is easy to identify the things dragging you down.  What is more difficult is something that (thankfully) God has mastered.  God can take what we already believe makes us happy and shows us how to achieve even greater joy and fullness than we thought possible.  All we have to do is ask.  

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